Episode 14: Happy Birthday, Margot Burgess
| --------: | 12:46 PM |
| LouisTheCat: | rick |
| RickDickens77: | What's up |
| LouisTheCat: | hi rick |
| LouisTheCat: | haaaaaaaappy caturday |
| LouisTheCat: | lol get it |
| RickDickens77: | No. |
| LouisTheCat: | ok well see its like saturday |
| LouisTheCat: | but instead of sat |
| RickDickens77: | I was kidding, I get it. |
| LouisTheCat: | pretty funny right |
| LouisTheCat: | i made it up |
| RickDickens77: | i know a whole Internet's worth of people who might argue with that |
| LouisTheCat: | which part |
| RickDickens77: | both. |
| LouisTheCat: | rude |
| --------: | 1:23 PM |
| LouisTheCat: | rick |
| LouisTheCat: | rick |
| LouisTheCat: | rick |
| RickDickens77: | what |
| LouisTheCat: | why are you at work today anyway |
| RickDickens77: | Remember what happened earlier this week? |
| LouisTheCat: | go on |
| RickDickens77: | When you freaked out and I had to come home. |
| LouisTheCat: | can you be more specific |
| RickDickens77: | The incident with the toilet. |
| LouisTheCat: | refresh my memory |
| RickDickens77: | Lou. You flooded my bathroom. Do you seriously not remember this? |
| LouisTheCat: | oh that |
| LouisTheCat: | sure i remember that |
| LouisTheCat: | what i dont remember is thanking you for rescuing sgt mcfuzzies |
| LouisTheCat: | and mr beaniebutt |
| LouisTheCat: | and happy carrot |
| LouisTheCat: | and mrs beaniebutt |
| LouisTheCat: | so thank you rick |
| LouisTheCat: | though i cant seem to find any of them now |
| RickDickens77: | I'm sure they'll turn up. Anyway |
| RickDickens77: | To deal with the half-inch of water running down my hall |
| RickDickens77: | I had to make another trade with my boss to come in to work on the weekend. |
| LouisTheCat: | really |
| LouisTheCat: | you should work on your bargaining skills rick |
| LouisTheCat: | or let me do it |
| LouisTheCat: | i could have that guy asking you to go home |
| RickDickens77: | I don't doubt it. |
| LouisTheCat: | so when will you be back |
| RickDickens77: | Hopefully in the next couple of hours. |
| --------: | 2:49 PM |
| LouisTheCat: | rick |
| RickDickens77: | Lou, what the hell just happened |
| LouisTheCat: | rick you gotta see this man |
| LouisTheCat: | there are police cars and fire trucks in the street |
| RickDickens77: | So I've heard, the neighbor just called |
| LouisTheCat: | oh yeah which one |
| RickDickens77: | Funny enough, it was Mr. Burgess, from the house across the street |
| RickDickens77: | The one with all of the emergency vehicles in front of it |
| LouisTheCat: | what a coincidence |
| LouisTheCat: | so how is he anyway |
| LouisTheCat: | we never hang out |
| LouisTheCat: | nice guy |
| LouisTheCat: | weird dog though |
| RickDickens77: | He's angry, Lou. I think you know why. |
| LouisTheCat: | the sirens probably |
| LouisTheCat: | very annoying |
| RickDickens77: | No, he seems pretty upset about his daughter's birthday party being ruined |
| LouisTheCat: | oh no what happened |
| RickDickens77: | You know what happened! You were there! |
| LouisTheCat: | no no i must have left before that |
| LouisTheCat: | everything was pretty awesome when i was there |
| RickDickens77: | Not from what I heard. |
| LouisTheCat: | hmmmm |
| LouisTheCat: | no pretty sure it was great |
| LouisTheCat: | rick they had a pony |
| LouisTheCat: | a pony rick |
| LouisTheCat: | and a petting zoo |
| LouisTheCat: | rick they had a magician |
| LouisTheCat: | super cool rick |
| RickDickens77: | Sounds terrific. |
| LouisTheCat: | oh and cake of course |
| RickDickens77: | Let's start with that pony. |
| LouisTheCat: | dont hire that pony |
| LouisTheCat: | cute but very jumpy |
| LouisTheCat: | he went nuts and busted through their fence |
| RickDickens77: | So I heard. |
| RickDickens77: | Do you think maybe the pony only became jumpy when you attacked it? |
| LouisTheCat: | first of all im not interested in philosophical dead ends |
| LouisTheCat: | second |
| LouisTheCat: | attack is an unfair word |
| LouisTheCat: | i was grooming him |
| LouisTheCat: | its a thing |
| RickDickens77: | Apparently you were hanging upside down from his neck |
| LouisTheCat: | right |
| RickDickens77: | This is grooming? |
| LouisTheCat: | if you do it right it is |
| LouisTheCat: | i am nothing if not thorough |
| RickDickens77: | And the part after that? |
| LouisTheCat: | very thorough |
| RickDickens77: | Moving on: is there anything you need to tell me about the petting zoo? |
| LouisTheCat: | it was wonderful |
| LouisTheCat: | adorable |
| RickDickens77: | And...? |
| LouisTheCat: | thats all |
| RickDickens77: | Are you sure there wasn't an incident, perhaps involving a goat |
| LouisTheCat: | hmmm no i dont remember a goat |
| LouisTheCat: | or a sheep |
| RickDickens77: | I didn't ask you about the sheep yet. |
| LouisTheCat: | well i dont remember one |
| RickDickens77: | And you don't remember opening the gate. |
| LouisTheCat: | nope |
| RickDickens77: | And you don't remember chasing a goat and a sheep out of the pen and into the Burgess house. |
| LouisTheCat: | seems like id remember that |
| RickDickens77: | And you don't remember herding them around the kitchen on a terrified rampage that ended with them both diseappearing through the front door covered in a variety of beverages and dips. |
| LouisTheCat: | if i did remember that |
| LouisTheCat: | which i do not |
| LouisTheCat: | i have to think the screaming people had more to do with that |
| LouisTheCat: | and herding would be the wrong word |
| LouisTheCat: | at the time i was playing just dance on the xbox with the kids |
| RickDickens77: | You can't just go hang out in other peoples' houses, Lou |
| LouisTheCat: | i was made for loooovin lou baaaby |
| LouisTheCat: | lou was made for loooovin meeeee |
| RickDickens77: | So whatever happened after they got into the house is somehow not your fault. |
| LouisTheCat: | were talking about pretty dumb animals here rick |
| RickDickens77: | I'll say. |
| LouisTheCat: | i dont think i like your tone |
| RickDickens77: | Next item on the agenda |
| RickDickens77: | It sounds like maybe we owe a magician and the parents of fifteen children an apology as well. |
| LouisTheCat: | for what |
| RickDickens77: | There was something about a rabbit? |
| LouisTheCat: | i dont see what that has to do with me |
| RickDickens77: | I don't know, all anyone saw was you leaping out of a hat |
| RickDickens77: | followed by the magician cursing like a sailor in three different languages, packing up his things, and storming out |
| LouisTheCat: | woah woah woah |
| LouisTheCat: | i did that man a favor |
| LouisTheCat: | and in fact i think we all learned a powerful lesson about whether bunnies should have chickens as pets |
| RickDickens77: | Wait, what? |
| LouisTheCat: | im just saying that guy isnt blameless here |
| LouisTheCat: | just think how his bunny felt |
| LouisTheCat: | or the chicken i guess |
| LouisTheCat: | yeah |
| LouisTheCat: | mostly the chicken |
| RickDickens77: | I don't understand. |
| LouisTheCat: | maybe dont get into it |
| RickDickens77: | Right. Moving on to the cake. |
| LouisTheCat: | ok hold up |
| LouisTheCat: | i know what youre thinking and the fire trucks werent because of me |
| RickDickens77: | Why don't you explain to me what happened then. |
| LouisTheCat: | so this bald guy set the cake on fire right |
| RickDickens77: | Probably Mr. Burgess. Lighting candles. |
| LouisTheCat: | you know me and candles |
| RickDickens77: | I do. |
| LouisTheCat: | anyway i see this little kid getting waaaaaaay too close |
| RickDickens77: | Probably Margot, blowing them out. |
| LouisTheCat: | and so basically i saved her life |
| RickDickens77: | By screeching and leaping onto her face. |
| LouisTheCat: | hero is as hero does rick |
| RickDickens77: | And what's this about the table getting knocked over |
| LouisTheCat: | ok that was that weird dog |
| LouisTheCat: | thats what im talking about man |
| LouisTheCat: | i save this girl and she starts screaming |
| LouisTheCat: | probably because it just hit her how close she just came to dying |
| LouisTheCat: | and the dog freeeeeeaaaks out |
| LouisTheCat: | plows straight through the table |
| RickDickens77: | And that's when the fire started? |
| LouisTheCat: | i was on my way out at the time |
| LouisTheCat: | didnt want to overstay my welcome |
| RickDickens77: | Of course. |
| LouisTheCat: | politeness is key |
| LouisTheCat: | but yes i heard people yelling fire as i was leaving |
| LouisTheCat: | and frankly im not surprised |
| LouisTheCat: | they had that crinkly paper ribbon everywhere |
| LouisTheCat: | not only a fire hazard but terribly tacky |
| LouisTheCat: | also another thing about that dog |
| LouisTheCat: | it licks itself constantly |
| LouisTheCat: | its disgusting |
| LouisTheCat: | makes a gross noise |
| LouisTheCat: | like a cow with a hair on its tongue |
| LouisTheCat: | or a plunger in a toilet full of peanut butter |
| LouisTheCat: | or you eating noodles |
| RickDickens77: | Okay Lou, I get it. |
| --------: | 3:44 PM |
| LouisTheCat: | so all of this has me thinking |
| LouisTheCat: | what are you planning for my birthday party |
| RickDickens77: | I am locking you in a very small cage. |
| RickDickens77: | Possibly forever. |
| --------: | RickDickens77 has gone offline |
| LouisTheCat: | i was thinking clown |
FUCKING MONDAYS, AM I RIGHT?
DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH COFFEE IN THE WORLD TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW. I WAS UP UNTIL 4AM LOOKING AT INTERIOR DESIGN BLOGS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. I’M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO PAINT MY APARTMENT.
THE INTERNET IS THE WORST FOR THAT KIND OF THING. ONE TIME I WENT ON WIKIPEDIA TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE DRUMMER FROM DEF LEPPARD’S NAME AND I ACCIDENTALLY GOT A DEGREE IN NEUROBIOLOGY.
TELL ME ABOUT IT. I WAS TRYING TO DOWNLOAD SEABISCUIT AND NOW I’M AN ORDAINED MINISTER.
Kickass Cover of the Day: Calling themselves Bon Joviver, the guys from Miracles of Modern Science give Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” a good Bon Iver-esque sendup.
(Source: ihatebrendan)
